What Do I Think?

It is near midnight and it is time for me to live and think. The isolation of Covid19 is wearing me thin and I am at a point where I need to know what I think. Normally I find out what I think by talking to others, listening to their response, talking some more and listening. Wash, rinse, repeat. That way of learning about myself is not functioning in my Covid19 hibernation. Bouncing ideas off of colleagues, students, family, and friends has dried up.

Now I need to know what I think and writing in my blog, that no one reads, seems like a conversation that I can have with myself in order to figure out where I am and if it is where I want to be.

In lots of ways I am afraid, but most importantly I am afraid of what others think. It would be easy to pretend that I didn’t care, but I do. I have always thought of myself as a good citizen in my community, church, and country, but find that I am often being told that my thoughts and beliefs are out of line with many of the loudest voices in the news. I want to be a good citizen but feel that If I don’t have beliefs, understand my beliefs, and live by my beliefs, I am not any kind of citizen at all.

I am writing this for me to put my experiences and feelings into words that I can look back on and gage my current progress. In the past my blog existed to promote my work as an artist and at times it might perform that function. For the most part I need the clarity that comes from giving one of my thoughts a physical form so that I can move on to my next thought. I don’t know what my rules will be other than I am planning on writing everyday with me as the audience. I am not writing this because I am hoping for followers and friends, I have plenty of the virtual kind and don’t need more.